Greetings, my friend.
You are interested in the unknown...
the mysterious, the unexplainable.
That is why you are here.
And now, for the first time...
we are bringing you the full story of what happened.
We are giving you all the evidence...
based only on the secret testimony of the miserable souls...
who survived this terrifying ordeal.
The incidents, places...
My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer.
Can your heart stand the shocking facts...
of the true story...
of Edward D. Wood,Jr.?
It's 8:1 5. We can't hold the curtain any longer.
Cripes, what am I gonna tell the cast? It's press night and there's no press!
- Do you believe in ghosts? - Nah, Tommy.
That's just kiddie spook stories.
Once you're dead, you stay dead.
I don't know, Bill.
Out on that battlefield today, I saw this woman dressed in white...
floating above the dunes.
Maybe it was just fatigue or maybe it's the indignities of war.
Or maybe it's somethin'else.
Hey, I think I see somethin'.
[pulley Squeaking]
I offer you mortals the bird of peace...
so that you may change your ways...
and end this destruction.
[Squeaking Resumes]
What a show! Everyone was terrifiic.
Paul, your second act monologue actually gave me the chills.
- Oh, thanks, Eddie. - I got the early edition, hot off the presses!
This is the big moment.
- [Exhales] - Oh, what does that old queen know?
She didn't even show.
Sent her copy boy to do the dirty work.
- Sc-rew you, Miss Crowley. - Do I really have a face like a horse?
What does "ostentatious" mean?
Hey, it's not that bad. You can't concentrate on the negative.
Look, he's got some nice things to say here.
"The soldiers' costumes are very realistic." That's positive!
- Rave of the century. - Well, I've seen a lot worse reviews.
I've seen reviews where they didn't even mention the costumes.
Like that last Francis the Mule picture. It got terrible notices.
- Huge hit! - Lines around the block.
That's right. Don't take it too seriously. We're all doing great work.
- Do you really think so? - Absolutely.
- [Thunderclap] - Honey, what if I'm wrong?
- What if I just don't got it? - Ed, it was only one review.
Orson Welles was only 26 when he made Citizen Kane.
I'm already 30.
Ed, you're still young.
This is the time in your life when you're supposed to be struggling.
I know. But I'm scared it's not going to get any better than this.
Oh, I hate having to wake up this early.
Gosh, where's my pink sweater?
I can never seem to find my clothes any more.
Hey, big shot! Get off your ass and get this over to the executive building.
- Sure thing, Mr Kravitz. - Hey, Charlie, come here.
What did I tell ya about watering these plants, eh? I want some water on 'em!
Don't sprinkle the damn things! Soak 'em!
Hi.
[Man] All right, people, settle. And... action!
Wow! Look at these camels!
These are real camels!
- Gosh, where'd they get real camels? - Hey, you!
Move it outta here, huh?
Hey, Eddie! Come in here. I got some great new stuff to show you.
This is fantastic. What are you gonna do with it?
- Probably file it away and never see it again. - Ah, it's such a waste.
Why, if I had half the chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage.
The story opens on these mysterious explosions.
Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo.
So the military are called in to solve the mystery.
- You forgot the octopus. - No, no. I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
[Chuckling]
- [Ringing] - Hello.
[Woman] They say he was a girl trapped in a man's body.
- I bet it hurt when they cut his thing off. - Ugh!
What are you ladies gabbin' about?
You know that Christine Jorgensen freak? He... She... It's in Variety.
Some producer's makin' a biopic.
Really? I didn't read that story.
Yes, I've got Mr Edward Wood on the line.
Could you please hold?
Mr Weiss? Ed Wood here.
Listen, I heard about your new project and I was curious if you'd signed a director yet.
Oh, you haven't!
Well, if we could get together, I could explain to you...
why I'm more qualified to direct this than anyone else in town.
Well, I'd rather not go into that over the phone.
All right. Great!
I'll see you then. Bye!
Eddie, I don't understand.
Why are you the most qualified director for the Christine Jorgensen story?
Oh, it's just hogwash, hon. I had to get into the door somehow.
[Chuckles]
[Engine Knocking]
[Sputtering]
[Man] No, I love you like a brother.
No, no, no. No, no, no. That's a fialsehood!
Come in!
Look, when I said you could have the western territories, I didn't mean all 1 1 states!
I meant California, Oregon, and what's that one on top?
Washington, yeah, yeah!
W... Oh, really?
Well, screw you!
Hi. Can I help you?
Yes. I'm Ed Wood. I'm here about directing the Christine Jorgensen picture.
[Chuckling] Well, a couple of things have changed.
It ain't gonna be the Christine Jorgensen story no more.
Goddam Variety had to print the story before I got the rights.
- Now that bitch is asking for the sky. - Ah, you're not gonna make the movie.
No, of course I'm gonna make the picture. I already presold Alabama and Oklahoma.
Those repressed Okies, they go for that twisted, perverted stuff.
We'll just do it without the she-male. We'll fictionalize it.
- Is there a script? - Fuck no. But, there's a poster.
It opens in nine weeks in Tulsa.
Well, Mr Weiss, look no further. I'm your man.
I work fast and I'm a deal. I write and direct. And I'm good.
I just did a play in Hollywood and Victor Crowley himself praised its realism.
There's about 500 guys in this town that can say the same thing.
On the phone you said you had some special qualifications?
Mr Weiss...
I have never told anyone...
what I'm about to tell you.
But I really want this job.
I like to dress in women's clothing.
You're a fruit?
No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
- You're not a fruit. - No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W. Two.
Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.
Ya got to be kidding me.
Confidentially, I even paratrooped wearing a brassiere and panties.
I tell ya, I wasn't scared of being killed, but I was terrified of getting wounded...
and having the medics discover my secret.
- So you think this qualifies you to make my movie? - Yes!
I know what it's like to live with a secret...
and worry about what people are gonna think of ya.
My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.
Ed, you seem like a nice kid. Look around you.
I don't hire directors with burning desires to tell their stories.
I make movies like Chained Girls.
I need someone with experience who can shoot a film in four days and make me a profit.
I'm sorry. That's all that matters.
Can I get you anything else, kid?
Too constrictive! I can't even fold my arms.
Gee, Mr Lugosi, I've never had any complaints.
This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in.
Your selection is quite shoddy. You're wasting my time!
- Mr Lugosi? - I told you I don't want any of your goddam coffins!
No, no! I don't work here.
- Then who are you? What do you want? - I don't want anything.
- I'm just a really big, big fan. I've seen all your movies. - [Scoffs]
-Mr Lugosi, why are you buying a coffin? -I'm planning on dying soon.
- No! - Yes! I'm embarking on another bus and truck tour of Dracula.
Twelve cities in ten days, if that's conceivable.
Do you know that I saw you perform Dracula in Poughkeepsie in 1 938?
- That was a terrible production. Renfield was a drunk! - I thought it was great.
You know, you're much scarier in real life than you are in the movie.
Thank you.
I even waited outside to get your autograph, but you never came out.
Well, I apologize. When I play Dracula, I put myself into a trance.
It takes me much time to reemerge.
Oh, there's my bus. Shit, where is my transfer?
- Say, don't you have a car? - I refuse to drive in this country.
Too many madmen.
I've got a car.
[Engine Knocking]
Boy, Mr Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life.
- When is your next picture coming out? - I have no next picture.
You gotta be jokin'. A great star like you, you must have dozens of'em lined up.
Back in the old days, yes.
But now, no one gives two fucks for Bela.
- But you're a big star. - No more.
I haven't worked in four years.
This business, this town, it chews you up, then spits you out.
I'm just an ex-bogeyman. Make a right.
[Radiator Hissing, Engine Knocking, Wheezing]
They don't want the classic horror films any more.
Today, it's all giant bugs.
Giant spiders, giant grasshoppers.
Who would believe such nonsense?
The old ones were much spookier;, they had castles and full moons.
They were mythic.
- They had a poetry to them. - Yes.
And you know what else? The women...
The women prefer the traditional monsters.
The women. Huh.
The pure horror, it both repels and attracts them.
Because in their collective unconsciousness...
they have the agony of childbirth.
The blood... The blood is horror.
You know, I never thought of that.
Take my word for it.
If you want to make out with a young lady...
you take her to see Dracula. [Chuckling]
[Dogs Whining, Barking]
Eh, what a mess.
My wife of 20 years left me last month.
- I'm not much of a housekeeper. - [Dogs Barking]
- All right, I'm coming. I'll feed you, my darlings. - I'd better get going.
But perhaps we could get together again some time, Mr Lugosi.
Certainly.
But now, the children of the night are calling me. [Chuckling]
Uh... [Nervous Chuckle]
- Good day. - Good day.
Sweetie, you won't believe it. I've got incredible news.
- You got the job! - No, I didn't get the job.
- But something better happened. - Better than not getting the job.
Yes! I met a movie star.
- Somebody really big. - Who? Robert Taylor?
No. A horror movie star.
- Boris Karloff? - Close.
The other one.
You met... Basil Rathbone!
Oh, to heck with you. I met Bela Lugosi.
- Why, I thought he was dead. - No, he's very much alive.
Well...
sort of.
He's old and frail, but he's still Bela Lugosi and he's really nice.
- I can't even remember the last time I saw him in a picture. - It's a shame.
He's such a great actor and no one uses him any more.
-So, did you get his autograph? -No, it wasn't like that at all.
It was just the two of us and we were talking. He treated me like a friend.
- Yeah, well, he's a bum. - No, he's not.
Do you have any idea how much money he made for this studio?
Dracula, The Black Cat, The Raven.
Yeah? Well, now he's a junkie. He don't deserve to work.
- That is not true! - He's so great, you hire him. [Chuckles]
Yeah, well, I would if I could.
- [Children] Trick or treat! - [Girl] The house looks like they have lots ofi kids.
Ooh, those eyes. He gives me the willies.
Uh, I hate it when she interrupts the picture.
She doesn't show 'em the proper respect.
I think she's a honey.
Look at those jugs.
But he stood me up at the restaurant.
I guess I shouldn't have picked a steak house.
And then I went out with the Wolfi Man. Ugh! What an evening.
- I didn't know whether to kiss him good night... - Vampira...
you will come under my spell.
You will be my slave of love.
My gosh, Bela! How do you do that?
You must be double-jointed.
And you must be Hungarian.
Vampira, look at me.
Look into my eyes.
You're watching our Halloween movie, White Zombie...
starring Bela Lugosi, John Harron, Madge Bellamy...
and a bunch of other people I've never heard of.
[Sighs]
I'm very tired.
I need to take my medicine.
- Do you want me to get it for you? - No.
Thank you, Eddie. I'll be all right.
¢Ü¢Ü [Soundtrack]
[Continues]
- [Crashing Sound] - [Bela] Oh, shit.
[Exhales] I feel much better!
- [Doorbell Rings] - Children! I love children!
[Together] Trick or treat! [Screaming]
Aren't you scared, little boy?
I'm going to drink your blood.
You're not a real vampire.
Those teeth don't firighten me.
How about these?
[Screams]
Hey, how'd you do that?
Dentures. Lost my pearlies in the war.
So, what was the important news you couldn't tell me on the phone, again?
I started thinking about what you were saying about how your movies need to make a profit.
What is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?
- Tits. - No, better than that. A star.
Kid, you must have me confused with David Selznick.
I don't make major motion pictures; I make crap.
Yes! But if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something.
- Yeah. Crap with a star. - No, something better!
Something impressive.
Maybe the biggest money-maker you've ever had.
[Sighs] Fine, all right.
You may be right, but it doesn't frickin' matter.
I can't afford a star, so what are we even talkin' about?
All right. What if I told you you could have a star for $ 1,000?
Who?
- Lugosi? - Yes! Lugosi!
- Isn't he dead? - No, he's not dead. He lives in Baldwin Hills.
I met him recently and he really wants to be in our movie.
Why would Lugosi want to do a sex change flick?
Because he's my friend!
All right, fine! You can direct it.
I want a script in three days. We start shooting a week firom Monday.
Mr Weiss, thank you so much. You won't regret it. I won't let you down.
[Typing]
But Bunny, you're perfect for this job. You know these people.
I need all the transsexuals and transvestites I can get.
No, I don't care if they're not actors. I want realism!
- I want this film to tell the truth. - [Knocking On Door]
Coming!
I've waited all my life for this shot, and I'm not gonna blow it.
- Eddie, you got a new movie for me, eh? - Yes!
It's gonna be a great picture and you'll love your character. Have a seat.
Listen, Bunny? Bela's here. I gotta go.
Listen, hit the bars, work some parties, and get me transvestites!
I need transvestites! All right. Bye.
[Sighs]
Eddie, what kind of a movie is this?
Well, it's about how people have two personalities:
the side they show to the world, and then the secret person they hide inside.
Like Jekyll and Hyde. I've always wanted to play Jekyll and Hyde.
I'm looking forward to this production. [Chuckling]
Well, your part's a little different.
You're like the god that looks over all the characters and oversees everything.
I don't understand.
You control everyone's fate. You're like the puppetmaster.
- Ah, so I pull the strings! - Yes, you pull the strings.
"Pull the strings." I like that!
Honey!
I got a little surprise for you.
Wipe off your hands.
- I finished my script. - [Gasps] Oh!
Ed, I'm so proud of you!
I'll read it as soon as I get home.
Well, I'd really like to know what you think.
Why don't you go in the bedroom and take a look? I'll wait.
Go ahead.
Take your time.
So that's where my sweater's been.
How long have you been doing this?
Since I was a kid.
My mom wanted a girl, so she used to dress me in girlie clothing.
Just became a habit.
Jesus Christ! And you never told me?
Well, this is my way of telling you.
What, by putting it in a fucking script for everyone to see?
What kind of sick mind operates like that?
And what about this, this so-called Barbara character...
that's obviously me?
I mean, this is our life. It's so embarrassing!
- Of course it is. That's why you should play the part. - Oh, you got nerve, buddy.
- It's a darn good role. - That's not the issue!
God, how can you act so casual when you're dressed like that?
It makes me feel comfortable.
Oh, just like in the script.
Exactly.
So, what do you say?
Do we break up?
Or do you want to make the movie with me?
They make you tall, and you're flashy. They want that.
Okay. But they want professionalism, so nix on the Nelly...
without losing naivete, okay?
Now, the good news is you're probably going to get hired because you look like peggy Lee.
But I don't want anybody else to resent that, okay? Please?
'Cause there's enough for everybody, exotics too.
All right, because if you're not going to smile, please don't bother. You'll embarrass me.
This is George Weiss. He's done some very important things; he's a nice person to know.
- An important person to know. - I thought you were gonna make a sex change film!
- It's still a sex change film. - Yeah! Five pages before it ends!
- The rest is about some schmuck who likes angora sweaters! - I don't think he's a schmuck.
What about this title? My poster says, I Changed My Sex.
So change the poster. Trust me, you'll be better off. This story's gonna grab people.
It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses.
Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn. This is drama!
Fine! Shoot whatever baloney you want.
Just make sure it's seven reels long.
Testing.
Excuse me. Can I get everyone's attention, please?
Could you gather around?
I've got something to say.
Everybody, we're about to embark on quite a journey: four days of hard work.
But when it's over, we'll have a picture that'll entertain, enlighten...
and maybe even move millions ofi people.
Excuse me, Eddie. I don't mean to interrupt. I'm worried about the light.
Good thinking. All right, we'll talk about days three and four later.
Let's get that first shot off. Scene 1 7, Glenda looking in the window.
- [Camera Whirring] - [Ed] And... action!
[Sighs]
[Ed] And... cut!
- Print that! Let's move on! - Don't you want a second take for protection?
What's to protect? It was perfect! Come on!
Hey! Cops!
We don't have a permit. Run!
[Groaning]
Come on. Let's go.
[Hammering]
- [Weiss] What's going on with these revised pages? - [Man] Mr Lugosi's here.
Oh, my God! Mr Lugosi's here!
Everyone! Everyone!
Everyone, come on. Come in here.
Listen.
When he walks onto the stage, treat him normal.
I know Bela Lugosi's a world-famous star and you're all very excited...
but look, we are professionals.
So, just treat him with respect. Everything will be all right.
Bela!
Great to see ya! 8:00 on the dot. Right on time.
- I'm always on time. - Ofi course you are.
[Ed] We've got a big day planned fior you.
But fiirst we're gonna start out kinda easy with you in that armchair over there.
Then once you're up to speed and cookin', we'll reset and bring in the lab equipment.
- Eddie? - Huh?
- What about my money? - Huh? Oh.
What are you people doing? Get back to work!
All right, people. Let's get ready.
Mr Lugosi, I know you're very busy...
but, um, can I have your autograph?
Certainly.
You know which movie of yours I love, Mr Lugosi? The Invisible Ray.
You were great as Karloff's sidekick.
Karloff?
Sidekick?
Fuck you!
Karloff does not deserve to smell my shit!
That limey cocksucker can rot in hell fior all I care!
-What happened? -How dare that asshole bring up Karloff?
You think it takes talent to play Frankenstein?
It's all make-up and, and, grunting. [Grunts]
I agree. Bela, I agree 1 00%.
Now, Dracula, that's a role that requires talent.
Of course! Dracula requires presence.
It's all in the eyes and the voice...
- and the hand. - That's right. That's right.
You seem a little agitated. You wanna go outside and get some air?
Bullshit! I'm ready now. Roll the camera!
We're rolling.
- Sound. Speed. - Scene 9 7, take one. Mark.
[Quietly] Action.
Beware.
Beware of the big, green dragon...
that sits on your doorstep.
He eats little boys...
puppy dog tails...
and big, fat snails.
Beware.
Take care.
Beware.
Wait!
Pull the string! Pull the string!
Cut.
[Whispering] Perfect.
But Georgie, I'm proud. I wrote, directed and starred in it...
just like Orson Welles did in Citizen Kane.
Yeah, well, Orson Welles didn't wear angora sweaters, did he?
How can you just walk around like that in firont ofi all these people?
Well, hon, nobody's bothered but you. Look around.
Ed, this isn't the real world! You've surrounded yourself with a bunch of weirdos.
Oh, say it a little louder. I don't think Bela heard you.
[Sighs] Dolores.
I need your help.
[Ed] My mind's in a muddle, like in a thick fiog.
I thought I could stop wearing these things.
I tried. Honestly, I tried.
Glen.
I don't fully understand...
but maybe together we can work this out.
Music swells. Cut and print!
- [Squeals] - It's a wrap.
How do you do? I'm here to see Mr Feldman.
What's your name?
Edward D. Wood,Jr.
He's in the executive building.
- You can park in the reserved section. - Thanks very much.
- Please, sit down. - Thanks.
So, what are you bringing me? Looks like you got some fiilm cans.
Well, some people bring their resumes. I've brought my own movie.
Really. Well, good for you.
I just shot this baby for Screen Classics. It opens next week.
Screen Classics? No, I don't know them.
There's something you should know.
Nobody in town has seen this picture, so I'm giving you first crack at my talents.
Thank you.
And I'm anxious to see it. [Sighs]
So, what's up next for you?
I don't believe in thinking small, so I've got a whole slate of pictures for you.
You ready? Okay.
"The Vampire's Tomb."
"The Ghoul Goes West."
And...
"Doctor Acula."
Doctor Acula? I don't get it.
"Doctor...
Racula."
Oh, I get it.
I don't like it.
But it'll star Bela Lugosi.
[Chuckles] Bela Lugosi? Lugosi's all washed-up. What else you got?
Well, l-I do have... another project.
I wasn't going to tell you about it.
Lugosi's in it, but it's a small part.
The lead is an ingenue.
A sterling, young actress... Dolores Fuller.
The title of the film:
"Bride Of The Atom"!
Ah.
Atomic age stuff, huh?
I like it. I like it.
I tell you what, Mr Ward. Why don't you leave your film cans with me.
And my associates and I will take a look at your little opus...
and maybe we can do some business together.
Take care. Beware.
Pull the string! Pull the string!
What the hell is this?
- Is this an actual movie? - It can't be!
[Narrator] Give this man satin undies, a dress, sweater and skirt...
or even the lounging outfiit he has on...
- and he's the happiest human being in the world. - Wait a minute.
- [Narrator Continues] - Wait a minute. That guy in the dress.
That's the guy I met today.
Oh, this has got to be a put-on.
[Narrator] These things are his comfiort.
[Chuckling] This is probably another one of Billy Wellman's practical jokes.
Hejust entered the street dressed in the clothes he so much desires to wear.
But, only ifi he really appears fiemale.
- long hair, make-up, clothing, the actual contours ofi a girl. - Oh, God!
Most transvestites do not want to change their lifie, their bodies.
This is funny. This is funny.
Thank you.
Georgie, I thought Glen Or Glenda? was opening this week. Where's the ads?
Where's the ads? The ads are in Alabama, Indiana, Missouri, you schmuck!
It ain't gonna play in L.A.!
-Why not? -Nobody wants to see this piece of shit!
- Hey, you can't talk that way about my movie! - I wish it was your movie!
I wish I hadn't blown every dime I ever made into making this stink bomb!
And if I ever see ya again, I'll kill ya!
Hello?
Georgie?
[Crowd Cheering]
- Guess where I'm going next week? - I don't know. Where?
Mexico.
- Guess what I'm doing when I get there. - I don't know. Lie on a beach.
Wrong. I'm getting my first series of hormone injections.
When those girls kick in...
they're gonna take out my organs and make me a woman.
- Are you serious? - It's something I've wanted to do for a long time.
But it wasn't until I saw your movie that I realized I have to take action!
- Goodbye, penis! - Would you please keep it down.
The "Super Swedish Angel," Tor Johnson!
[Cheering, Whistling]